beccaelizabeth | My fandom origin story :) (Reply)

There is a discussion about types of fan going on, and why people are fans, and exactly what they are fans of, and what fandom means. Which got me thinking, mostly in ways that don't fit what I read so far of that discuss.

So I thought I'd tell you all my fannish origin story :)

Buffy fandom is the only one I'm active in right now. Which seems odd, because I havent been monogamous in my fannish interests since my X Files days, and even then I was at least as into Babylon 5 but didn't join in with the fandom.

Buffy got to me slowly. I started going to Buffy conventions long before I considered myself a Buffy fan, or part of Buffy fandom. My Highlander friends were going, so I followed them. Plus, it's a convention- there will be parties, costumes, an excuse to get dressed up, and optional famous people. All good.

But I watched Buffy. Every week it was on. When I got Sky via OnDigital I was all 'yaay! Newer Buffy!', as well as 'yaay, more Highlander and everything!'. Gradually I got more into it, and eventually figured myself a fan.

Still, I didn't go online looking for extras, and I especially didn't feel the need for fanfic at all, because the show felt kind of complete. I was content to see where it went, because everything I thought up ended up happening, so I was happy with how it worked out.

Then it ended.

In actually almost the exact way it did in my head, with regards to Spike. I knew he had to end in fire and go into the light, and I knew it would be for big payoff. I even had him fighting the first at the time, only I meant first vampire (hmmm, primal Ubervamps count?). I just set it on a beach not underground, because who but Joss can get away with that much stretch?

So, once again, gave me everything I'd thought of, therefore no need for fic, right?

Okay. Show over. I can live with this. I can. I know Spike will be back, because I know he is on Angel next year, and I've always considered Buffy and Angel to be pretty much the same fandom so it isn't like he is leaving even. So I can live with this. REally.

I managed to live with it all isolated until Buffy should have started up again and didn't.

Then I became a total fanfic addict.

NEED more episodes!!!

Originally I was still in other fandoms. Not X-Files, I left that when it started going wonky, a process I felt was completed by the film. But Highlander, such as was left of the fandom, and Sentinel, lots of fanfic there, and Stargate. Lots of Stargate.

But gradually my interest focussed in. When I got more than 1000 unread Stargate fanfics, pretty much in a row, I decided to unsub from mailing lists. I still go to conventions, but I'm not as obsessive about the Stargate guests as I would be about even random Buffy guests.

To start with I read every Buffy fic I could get hold of. The usual pattern- omnivorous until tastes develop. I read a lot of Spike/Xander, partly because there is a lot of it to read. But I didn't feel the need to write it. And I don't really read it any more. It is there, it could happen, like practically every other pairing in the Buffyverse only moreso. But I feel like Spike and Xander have had their stories told. So I gradually focused in on characters who seemed to me either chopped off in the middle, lacking an ending or just generally neglected.

Like Giles.

And Ethan.

My Ethan muse turned up more than a year ago now. I have been listening to him, truly, I'm just bad at getting stuff written down. But focusing on Ethan has led me into learning all sorts of interesting things, about Janus and Chaos and coping with change, so even if no noticeable art comes out of it then Buffy fandom will have changed my life, like Sentinel and Highlander before it. Philosophy makes me hot, basically. Big moral questions? Big fun.

Last academic year went rather wrong, due to a combination of bad externals (like the flat upstairs catching fire) and bad internals. I dropped class for that year, got a tattoo, went to some conventions, felt better. Tattoos and conventions are more expensive than medication but more fun, and with more shareable memories.

But I ended up with no class to focus on. So instead I got obsessive about Buffy. The S3 board discussions of new Angel episodes really opened my eyes to depth and layers in the work, as did the essay books I bought, and the academic conference I went to at the UEA. I started rewatching old eps and applying the new thoughts and finding all kinds of good to keep me there.

Highlander had a couple of academic style essays written about it. Buffy has pretty much a parrallel fandom, with a journal and everything. And I *love* it.

So, Buffy fandom to me means conventions, fanfic and essays. And fanfic means filling in gaps in the story. Plus, essays on the m/m subtext are always fun.

I don't know what my next fandom is going to be. My TV isn't even plugged in right now, is difficult to be exposed to new television. But I know Buffyverse fandom has a whole lot of mileage still in it, and I don't see it fading away the way Highlander fandom did (at least in the parts I know about). I see it more Trek style, still here in 25 years.

Which reminds me of Ethan again.

Because nearly everything does.

Think I'll go write some more...