beccaelizabeth's dreamwidth journal

Also also Buffyverse meta:

That one review that made it all about bad boyfriends... okay, I get where you're coming from, Buffy had a fascinating map in that respect, though what is with all the Riley erasure and simplifying it down to Didn't Love Him?

But they seemed to conclude with saying passion is what makes life worth living, and meant specifically romantic passion.

And I mean, they might have been quoting? "If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow." That sort of thing.

But, small point to remember, that was serial killer Angelus talking.
We do not uncritically accept the admittedly artistic monologues of serial killers.

Saying without romantic passion, the kind that leads us into bad relationships, our lives would be empty? Eeew. I mean, way to write off aro aces there. But also, eeew. And saying we have no choice about who we love? Yeah, but, no. Love is a choice. You wake up every morning and put the work in. You learn someone and learn how to see them. You decide to fit your lives together. And love is a promise. A commitment to act a certain way, in the beloved's best interests. And yeah, love and passion can turn up for unhelpful people, but, after that, you grow it or you don't.

And granted I'm sitting here perpetually single and baffled by most humans, but still, pretty sure I'm right even for people with the big overrides in their heads. We get plenty of choices. Just some are more appealing than others.

Plus how can someone see fandom and only understand passion as a romance thing?

... wait, 'ship wars, fic read as primarily about a 'ship, I can see it. But. Wrong.

People get full of energy for many things, and it can lead them astray in far more contexts, or drive them on to greatness.

Forgetting that and flattening every relationship that doesn't work to bad boyfriend passion? Does story such a great disservice, let alone people.

Buffy had many passions and many loves and each of them changed her and helped her and hurt her in various ways, because bumping into other humans does that.

But romantic passion isn't the only way to do it.

The thing is, about all I can think is, since when did I have twenty years of adult life? Surely I'm not old enough for this?
... it's not like I'm looking at forty from here...

I have about a bazillion tabs open right now because everyone is saying something col about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

And it was a game changing feminist excellence, for all its flaws.

But for me it was fandom and friends and the first few years of my degree, including getting the message board for the Soulful Spike Society unblocked because I was doing cultural studies and we were there studying proper cultural texts.

... also because the random pep talks and cheerleading were on occasion how I got through the day, and the early years of the course.

Highlander was my first convention going fandom, and Highlander saved my life, but Buffy was the convention after that, and many more. And it saved my life at least as much. A number of three in the mornings have been survived with the help of Spike singing.

And as for the possibilities that opened up for all that thinking about Ethan Rayne...

... and all my icons from this great feminist show are blokes, which says something about me, but Willow and Tara, Faith's arc, Buffy standing up and saying hell can choke on her, and everyone who can stand up, will stand up...

those are the stories that get you through the dark.




So, now we just need to get on with making something that's twenty years better...

Have watched 'Chosen'.
Emotional wreck of all the feels: now.



I always cry. And it's like happy but in the middle of this whole war movie they're doing, so also with the sad. All the feels.
And then Spike.



I've got to say though... as much as I adore this ending on many levels, it also leaves me kind of tired. Because Buffy's plan? ( Read more... )



I've also read people being very, very intensely against Buffy's choice here, on moral grounds. ( Read more... )



Drafting people into a war, morally dubious. Arming people who are already at war, much closer to cool. Giving people with a war around them a choice to take up arms?

That's what Buffy is trying to do, by her own words, and I can see nothing wrong with it.



Plus it's always the best answer, share the lessons, share the power, stand together, stronger.



Otherwise the story is about how hard it is to be super privileged, hot chicks with super powers, and, well, yeah, but. Kind of harder for the ones standing next to her, or in the town she isn't protecting.



I really love this episode, I love what Buffy and Willow do, I love Spike (Spike!), I get all the feels.

But there's a couple things I wouldn't write, if I was writing something like this again.




(also, I do intend to go back and write about... er, half of season 6 and most of 7? I just haven't yet. It's on the to do list. But if I don't sit down right at the end of each episode then the next one gives me fresh feels to write and also I want to see the next and the next and, well, then I watched them all.)


I have to say though, I feel weird about Angel season 5 after that ending. I mean, Spike did a thing! It... it feels really weird to be able to just skip to the next thing.


Also? Angel? Seems so very, very random and pretty much irrelevant, when he turns up. ( Read more... )

... apparently I have a lot of Angel feels and if you're B/A OTP then you should probably avoid reading that paragraph. Each to their own.

(But Spiiiiiike!)

(Spike)



And every girl in the world, ready to be strong.

Too tired to write up much, and I still need to do thinking on season 6, but
I remember now why I joined the Soulful Spike Society.
James Marsters is spectacular. The way he shades his performance into all those varieties of Spike-not-Spike. I just want to draw little hearts around his picture again.
... um, the feeling isn't new, I don't think I did the actual hearts thing.
... though I do have many of his picture.
I mean I've been following him around conventions long enough that its kind of its own reason, like, hey, I could see him again, cool. But reasons to be a fan?
<3 <3 <3

( Read more... )

Not very much to say about Dawn's issues and the demony reaction to them. It's a good example of the turn your problems into demons thing that BtVS does, just, you know, not making me feel meta.

Except for the stuff with Willow and magic. As I may have mentioned. That I have a few things to say about in the next couple episodes: ( Read more... )


As You Were bugs me. ( Read more... )


Season six is difficult to watch. Hang on, season 5 was difficult to watch too. Hmmm, whenever they've successfully tapped in to some real feelings and big huge things, it's difficult to watch. Mortality, depression, addiction, violence, real big stuff.

It's good stories, but also kind of not fun, because of the caring. Much feels, very ow.



It's reminding me why I wanted to do fanfic at the same time I remember how everything I'd have put in fanfic is kind of thoroughly chewed as fic topics by now. It just has so much stuff that needs another angle and a bit more work. Powerful stuff, but, not correct or complete, to my mind.

So two storylines come to a head in these two episodes, Spike/Buffy and Willow's misuse of magic.

And the thing is, on a lot of levels, they are telling the same story up through Smashed. Magic has up until now been the go to metaphor for sex. Buffy certainly compares herself to Willow. They've been using their respective poor choices to hurt and manipulate others in order to avoid feeling bad. But then the misuse of magic turns around and adds a physical drug addiction angle that's just... it shifts the story sideways into something that just doesn't pay off the build up.

So, Willow and magic: ( Read more... )

Not the right problem, very frustrate.



But hey, whole rest of season to go. Some fixings eventually ish. Shall see.

I know I intended to speak about the back half of season 5, ( Read more... )

I like this Spike. And James Marsters is amazing. There's days I see him and get the giggles because he's a theatre geek and a properly nice guy and there he is being all big bad, and it's kind of like knowing William the poet is under there somewhere only funnier. But then there's other days I just rewind a few times to watch some particular reaction. He reminds me why I want to write, cause I want to give people a chance to do that.




... there's no neat segue from that much fangirling to any other topic. Onwards...


Willow crosses the line to outright creepy. ( Read more... )



Flooded is another episode that makes me go off on one about the devaluing of women's work under capitalism. And, okay, Buffy's slaying isn't stereotypically feminine, but there's evidence that the devaluing goes with the women doing it, not the particular work. The more women do it, the more the discourse surrounding a thing will suggest it's normal and natural and women should do it, usually for free.

Anya's right. Buffy is providing a valuable service and should be paid for it. She saves innocent people's lives, and exactly like a police officer or paramedic, she damn well should get paid for it.

... I can get very worked up about this.
( Read more... )

The thing that bothers me is the text seems to come down on the side of 'action is his reward'. Like, if this is a metaphor for unpaid work women always get lumbered with, the text doesn't seem very pro actually paying them.

Not cool.



So, that's todays thoughts. Big ramble. Many more episodes ahead.

It's hard to think of new things to say about something I've watched and written about so many times before.

Also, it's hard watching, when Grandpa was in hospital, and may be home now with cancer nurses and painkillers and not so much time left. There's nothing to do there, so I do nothing, but entropy and mortality and all that stuff, it is hard.

And that's the theme in season 5, even in played-funny small things like Anya freaking out and sulking cause she realises she's mortal now. Buffy vs death, powerless and losing. Starting watching in a low mood may be a mistake.

But there's an equally powerful theme of family, love, choosing each other. ( Read more... )


I like how the season feels coherent and character led. Buffy has problems, proper growing up problems where she doesn't get to be the kid cause her elder and younger needs her. That resonates.



But it's kind of not fun.

Eh, there's a lot more story to go, some of it will be fun, in between the bits that'll wreck me again.

I'm lacking big thinking about Buffy of late. There seems to be a bunch about masculinity and violence, direct parallels between Spike and Riley, and Riley and Adam of course, plus some stuff about how useless Giles and Xander feel now they're not defined by their jobs. Giles and Xander keep trying to help with the violence cause they've got none jobs and want to be useful, Xander beats up Spike and it's a sign he cares, Giles gets all sad because nobody is scared of him any more. Spike of course refers to his lack of capacity to do violence in direct comparison to neutering. Masculinity and violence. Big thing.

... big thing covered by every other show ever. Bored? Kinda. I mean, not bored of the episodes, but not coming out with meta.

All of them feeling less masculine because Buffy is more successful at violence than they ever could be, and Spike and Riley eroticising that, that's a thing BtVS does a little different. Mostly if the girl is kick arse it's to teach a guy to be better than her by the end of the movie. Here she just stays better, consistently. Yaays.

The same sex desire metaphor in the magics, the way Willow and Tara have to be, er, subtle, and the way Giles and Ethan are at the pub... a couple of old mystics, sorcerers, the night is still our time... yeah, still liking that, except for the not trivial thing where not being allowed to show stuff sucks. But the metaphors are pretty and the guys at the pub are, well, I'm coming up with plausible and I don't know if that's what I mean? Giles responding when he thinks Ethan is calling him attractive, intense eye contact, history together... you can see it happening, and you can see it in those scenes.

Ethan and the Fyarl thing: you can read it as Ethan didn't do it. Way back at the start of Buffy, episode three, it was established that one way to undo every spell in progress was to kill the caster. But when Giles the demon breaks in to grab Ethan, Ethan says "I can't undo you if you kill me!" Okay, he could be lying about everything, but if true, it means it wasn't his spell.

If it was then it's a classic be careful what you wish for. Giles wanted to be scary.
But that could also mean he got very, very drunk and did something unwise to himself. Unlikely, sure, but if you want to tell that tale...

For G/E shippers there's the teensy problem of him apparently trying to get Giles killed when he tells Buffy "It killed Ripper and now it's trying to get me!"
He could simply be mistaken about how far gone Giles is, if he can't get back from there. He could be making a complex statement about tweedy Giles and his ongoing fight with his own Ripper side. Or it could just be mischief to cover his own escape. Granted Buffy tries to kill Giles because of it, but she epic fails. And Ethan predicted that, reckoned "You're only going to make him angry." If he don't believe Giles can be hurt then it's mischief, not murder.

But then there's "I've really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the 'stay and gloat' that gets me every time."
He's saying he did damage, and should have run before Ripper caught up.

Probably meant to be Ethan then.

But there's loopholes available if you want them. Like, what was he even doing in the place a demon was meant to rise and didn't anyway?



... Ethan Rayne can be so much more interesting if you read a little depth into a character that's pretty much just an excuse for mayhem to happen. But mayhem of the insides to outsides sort, which is always very character based fun.



Giles chasing Professor Walsh because she called him an absent male role model, always funny, but again connecting masculinity and violence. Giles feels powerless and judged, because a woman is implying a woman made herself without him. So he gets big and scary at her. Because clearly it's fun to use threats to counter words. And clearly it's more funny because it's Giles, who is usually words guy. But it's a moment that comes from him, not Ethan, even if Ethan did give him the outsides to do it.


Rupert Giles: earning his nickname since the early 70s.


I'm dissatisfied with how they used Walsh. She was evil psychology lady, and some of that was clever. Introduced doing stuff like controlling the discourse by naming herself as both good and evil versions, smart on several levels, and funny from writers cause they know what we don't. Creepy stuff that reminds me of abusers when she controls Riley just by mocking or relabelling his feelings, so he's just being college boy when he's trying to have opinions. Makes him feel small and then tells him to make her proud, so all his self worth is supposed to come from her reactions. Reworking his base code, like Adam said. Must have taken a lot of creepy manipulative work. And then making soldiers that don't ask questions... that's such a wrong view of soldiers. So all of that is perfectly good evil overlord stuff. But it's wrapped up with Riley and Adam calling her Mother on different occasions, and the weird thing with watching Riley have sex and getting rid of his girlfriend. Creepy gendered stuff. With no matching good version. I mean, if they're exploring mothers, Buffy has one of those, but no, they're just contrasting with Giles for some reason, current teacher vs ex teacher, at a point Giles is distanced from Buffy. Also there's previous evil teacher ladies but no hint of comparison. Comparing what Walsh does to what Watchers did would be perfectly reasonable, but you have to reach to other seasons to do it. Which, okay, it's season 4 and you'd expect some stuff to just be background, but I'm dissatisfied with how it turned out. There should be more women, more mothers, more teachers.

... I'm watching Buffy and thinking there need to be more women, even though Willow and Tara and Anya and Buffy are all right there.

I'm quite a lot creeped out by how Xander treats Anya. I mean I know she's an ex-demon but the comparisons with her behaviour have her turning up on list of autistic characters, so this time every time Xander corrects her on social skills is kind of grating. Like she's not meant to have her own thoughts and feelings but has to fit the mask on to be acceptable to him. It's not that she's actually learning compassion and empathy and that good stuff, she's just being told 'we talked about this' and changing how she behaves. I feel like Xander doesn't actually like Anya, he just likes how she makes him feel, and part of that is him feeling like he has the knowings and can teach from a position of moral superiority.



I'm super grumpy today and don't know if it's the TV that's always grump making or me that's always in a grump. So it goes.



The first three seasons, the basic metaphor was 'high school is hell'. Okay. They shift to college, but after the room mate episode I'm unconvinced they upgraded to 'college is hell'. More of a general 'young adulthood is hell'. Everyone trying to tell you who to be and shape you into who they want, but at the same time leaving you to sink or swim and not supporting you like you were supported a minute ago. Not knowing how to relate to adults, who are now meant to be other adults like you, but get cranky if you treat them that way and make you feel weird. Being expected to make a quantum leap in maturity and then frowned on for thinking you're mature. The whole thing with the drugged Initiative agents seems less metaphorical and more just a thing in itself, but I guess the pressure to perform physically and mentally is a college thing. Even Willow's magical lashing out is the thing where having a little power does not always go so good. So the metaphors are still there.



I'll watch more episodes later.

I double checked some of my nail varnishes. Some remained goo for hours until I wiped them off, so they're gone in the bin, boo. But the sparklies layers actually worked this time They must have just not combined well last time. So I still have my glitter for fingers. Yaay.


Buffy season 3... I haven't been thinking of much to say about it because I've already said and read so much about it, but it's still good TV.

The whole 'high school is hell' metaphor and turning common experiences into demons still holds up strong. ( Read more... )

My Tuesday actually worked correctly.
Cleaner Day happened and things are clean and with the better smell. Delivery Day also worked, which is what happens when I remember to do Monday Order Food. And then I settled in to watch more Buffy and paint my nails.
I am currently wearing 10 different colours of nails. I threw out at least as many bottles due to conditions ranging from 'totally separated' to 'so solid the brush broke'. And there's three kinds I decided I just don't actually like. So that's progress.
At least as many colours still remain, needing sorting and testing. Pretty sure some of the glitter collection have passed usefulness. Sadly.
I also threw out some eyeshadows, lip gloss, and... makeup stuff. Some of them probably from teh 90s. I'm aware I shouldn't use old makeup, I was mostly keeping it because... actually whatever excuses I come up with right now about memories I'm mostly keeping it for hte same reason I used to have an empty envelope stack ie mental illness. So! Make up clean out. All make up now from this century, almost certainly. Also teh stuff that I threw away had gone lumpy solids instead of helpful powders anyway.
If places kept making the same colours so I could just replace stuff as necessary then I wouldn't horde it so much. But they keep on changing it just a tiiiiiny amount so you have to buy all new stuff to coordinate with the tiny changes. Fashion! Blah.




I watched Buffy while painting my nails so my attention was not the sharpest at some points.
But it remains very good through mid season 3.

( Read more... )



For the rest of the day I get to decide what colours to paint my toes. This is the kind of high pressure lifestyle I live now.



;-)

I'm now up to Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.
That's a real low point for Xander, even compared to Hyena time.

I haven't had much to say about most episodes, again, because well chewed over. Surprise/Innocence, that guy who seemed really nice changes as soon as he gets what he wants. Phases, body hair and going through changes. The subtle, it is lacking, but the story is cool.

Also whenever Oz is around I'm pretty much just going :-D and <3 <3 <3

But BB&B... I kind of hate the ending. Kind of a lot.

Okay, so, there's a theme of abusive relationships, a tour of sorts of bad relationships, and then there's a whole forgiveness bit because everyone keeps screwing up and testing the limits on what is reasonable to forgive. ( Read more... )

Am watching Buffy season 1 for the first time in ages.
Everyone is babies, except Giles.
( Read more... )

90s fashion has rainbow stripes t-shirts and lots of sparkles things. Also a great many tunics worn as a complete outfit though I can't see how they're safe to bend over wearing them.
... I got old enough to be judgey about hem length on students. woah.

It's also way weird seeing everybody be young. This thing where recordings can hit rewind is just bizarre. Time is negotiable.

... imaginary time is negotiable, the rest of us are stuck walking.